Dear Uday,
Where the hell are you? Are you still alive? Shit hit the fan pretty quickly down their in Baghdad, didn't it. I don't even know what's up. I mean what was the game plan? Was there any strategy? I mean even I could the U.S. Army rolling in like that but I thought you guys maybe had something up your sleeve. What happened? Or are we still waiting for the last hurrah?

I don't want this letter to be kind of all gloomy and down but I realize there's, at least, a possibility that you are dead. Which means there would be very little point in writing you. I'm going to keep on trying though, I mean, I took the trouble to set up this blog and all. And I was feeling like I was making some headway. I guess if you do die I could keep writing and just take this weblog to a higher spiritual plain.

Best of luck,
Michael

 
Dear Uday,
A co-worker just sent me this off the Associated Press wire:

"Elsewhere in the capital, U.S. forces steadily expanded their reach, securing a military airport, capturing a prison, setting fire to a Republican Guard barracks. Milburn said the house of Saddam's son Uday was on fire, apparently hit by a bomb."

Dude your house is on fire! What are you going to do? Has it occured to you that it may be some kind of karmic pay back to all the bad shit with the grasshoppers (see below).

Hang in there Ud -- you don't mind if I call you Ud, do you?

Let me know,
Michael

 
Dear Uday,
You know with all the death and destruction in Baghdad these days, I can't help but wonder if you maybe aren't getting enough quality time with your pops, Saddam. I mean I think it's really important to get some time in with your dad especially considering he might not be around much longer. Actually, you may not even be around much longer if what I read in the American press is correct. I saw something really disturbing today that said U.S. officials didn't know if they had killed you (and your pops) or not. I mean, who am I going to write to if that happens. All my efforts to promote world peace in my own small way will have come to naught. Well, Uday, let me know if you can because I'm kind of concerned. For that reason I'm going to try to include an e-mail link on this page. At least, that way I might get some answers to my letters. By the way, do you speak English?
Let me know,
Michael

 
Dear Uday,
You tell me, is the game up or what? Shit looks pretty bad there in Bahgdad and if I were you I'd be majorly bummed. But who knows? Maybe you guys have a back-up plan? Or you're just luring the coalition forces into a false sense of confidence and then you're going to zap them. Otherwise, I figure you're probably done for and I want to ask you was it worth it? I mean taunting the Bush family like that? You know how vicious those Texas blue bloods can get when you jerk their chain don't you? Or maybe that's it, it's one of those cross cultural confusions, back in the Arab world it's considered kosher to cheat and retreat. I mean I don't want to condemn the whole Arab world, but I had this landlord of Arab descent who kind of pulled the same kind of game with me. He'd agree to all this shit and never do it, then when I pressed him he'd say he was working on it and maybe throw me a bone. After awhile I kind of wished I had a really big army and a lot of cruise missle so that I could teach him a lesson. And take my word for it, I'm a much nicer guy than George W. Bush. I guess what I'm saying is we all need a little more understanding of just what it is about our own particular culture that pisses the other cultures off so we can all just get along.
Keep in touch,
Michael