Dear Uday,
I'm feeling much better today really up and full of energy. How about you? I hear the coalition forces are right outside of town now. Though your information minister said it's "an illusion." Who to believe? But isn't it all just an illusion -- I seem to remember some Shakespeare quote, maybe from the Tempest, about it all being like one big dream, but the actual wording escapes me. I'm sure you'll forgive the lapse, or maybe not. Some of the research I've been doing seems to suggest you're a pretty cruel dude. That's right cruel not cool. And I'd like to point out Uday that being cruel is definetely not cool. So be cool dude. Though I'd be the first to admit its hard with all the bombs and tanks and artillery fire all around you.

Anyway, Uday, let me get on to my next point, some of my friends who know I've been writing you have been prodding me to be a little more direct with you, to get to the point. They want me to say Uday stop the violence! But, you know something Uday, I'm not sure you could even if you wanted to. And I'm not just talking about influencing your dad. You see, I think George W. is a crazy motherfucker -- and I don't mean to offend you're honor, because I've heard on CNN that honor is a big deal in Arab culture, but he's a lot more dangerous than you and your father will ever be. And, worse yet, he really wants your hide! That's why I'm not coming right out and saying stop the violence, because I don't really think there's much you really can do. I mean you could go a little more gently into that good night, but even Dylan Thomas advised against that. And we all known how he went into that good night -- 40 shots of whiskey at the White Horse Tavern. Gently not! So all I can say is try not to make it a bigger mess than you really have to.
All the best,
Michael

 
Dear Uday,
I'm feeling a little under the weather today, just really sleepy. Do you ever get like that? Tired in the afternoon? Do you take naps and if so does the coalition (yes, I know, it's not really much of a coalition but that's what they're calling themselves) bombing get in the way of your napping? I guess since they're bombing at night it's kind of hard to sleep, huh? I live in Rio near a favela, that's what they call the hilltop slums here, and the other night there was all this shooting and what sounded like bombs (fireworks, really or, at least, that's what I'm told). It was really disturbing especially with all the stuff about the war on TV some of my friends said it bugged their kids out. My son woke up, but he's only four and I don't think he's even noticed the war. So I guess Baghdad is kind of a hard place to catch 40 winks these days. Or do you have a specially hardened sleep-easy bunker where you can get all the rest you need to take on that pesky coalition?
Hang in there,
Michael

 
Dear Uday,
Surprise, surprise, surprise. If you look at the left hand corner of the blog you'll see that I thought we might be closer in age than you're father and I. Boy, was I right! We're both born in 1964. What a great year that was, huh? Anyway, let me tell you something research pays. I discovered you are notoriously greedy flashy and corrupt -- well, at least according to the website I was looking at. Let me see if I can include it as a link here. I'm not too good at this linking stuff yet, so let's see if it works. Well, while I'm not terribly greedy or corrupt I like to think I've got a little flash. I would like one day to be seen as a kind of literary Puff Daddy or something like that. I also admire Fab Five Freddy a lot. Who do you admire? Any rappers? Or do you just listen to like Rai music? Or is there some other sound that really popular in Iraq? I'd really like to know more about the kind of music they got down there. I know I've been relying very heavily on cliches, but can I just remind you that music soothes the savage breast -- whatever that may is. A savage breast? I've never seen one. At least, not that I can remember.

All the best with the war and all,
Michael